Anya's Fun
by Freezyboncoolipants
Summary: Buffy makes a wish to Anya and it doesn't turn out quite as she'd imagined! COMPLETE
1. The Wish

This isn't really set at any particular place in the series'. Anya is a vengeance demon though. 

This is meant to be fun, so I'm REALLY sorry to anyone who might be offended by anything. OK? 

Please review!!!!!! Good and bad comments welcome!!

Anya sighed and tapped her fingers impatiently. Buffy was droning on and on, wasn't it obvious she wasn't interested?

"I know I shouldn't think it, but I do!"

Anya looked at her watch, trying to make a hint.

"I've saved everyone's life, and they're not grateful!"

Anya sighed again.

"But how can they be? When they don't know?"

Anya began picturing Xander in her head.

"You're not even listening!" Buffy noticed.

"What? Sure I am! No one's grateful! Blahdy blah blah!"

Buffy frowned.

"It's just… I keep doing all these things and nobody knows about it. My life is so different but no one notices. Is it selfish to want credit?" 

Buffy looked at Anya, her head was bobbing to some imaginary music.

"Anya!"

"Mmmm. I'm listening!"

"I mean, think about who I hang out with. There's a carpenter, nothing special there, but also, there's a vampire, a blob of energy, two witches, a watcher and me, a superhero. But no one knows!

Anya nodded.

"I just wish…"

Anya shot up straight, waiting.

"I just wish that people could see that, that they could see what we are!"

Anya grinned. This could be fun!!

"Done"


	2. Xander

As I said before, SORRY to any one who might be offended by anything. These chapters will definitely get longer!! They are just short at the moment to get to know each character individually. Please Review!!! Good and bad comments welcome, and feel free to make suggestions!!

"Hey An!"

Xander was sprawled out on the couch, his face unshaven and his belly hanging out of a stained yellow t-shirt.

"An! Gimme a beer!"

He was watching some Japanese game show, a half eaten bowl of popcorn sat beside him.

"Anya!"

She groaned.

Why Xander? Her Xander?

Why couldn't Buffy have chosen her words better?

 "There's a carpenter, nothing special there"

That was what she'd said. 

And there was certainly nothing special about Xander now!

"Anya! Hows about that beer!"

She stood up. "I'm going out"

Xander ignored her and started yelling insults at the T.V. 

She opened the door.

"Wait!" Xander said, suddenly noticing that she was leaving, "Don't I get a kiss?"

Anya cringed as she bent down to kiss him, he had peanut butter stuck to his chin and he hadn't cleaned his teeth in days. She felt sick as her lips touched his; she just wanted to get away from him. 

"Hey An!" he called, just as she was going back out. "Bring us back some beer would ya?!"

She sighed and closed the door.


	3. Spike

Sorry this chapter has taken so long!! They are gonna get longer!!!!

Note to Imzadi: I'm definitely trying to put a Lindsay reference or something somewhere for you.  

Anya shuddered as she opened Buffy's door, she could still feel Xander's slimy hands on her, he was worse than Olaf, and he was a troll!

"Hello?"

She stepped inside, something warm and sticky lapped at her open toed shoes.

"Urgh!" She looked down at the red puddle on the floor. Who would leave blood lying around?

"Spike?"

She found herself going down into the basement.

"Spike?"

Anya stared around the dark room, against one of the walls stood a coffin, the door was open and it was lined with purple silk.

She felt something brush her shoulder, a hand whipped around and clasped her mouth shut.

"I VANT TO ZUCK YOUR BLOOD!"

She spun around.

"Oh. It's you" Spike said disappointedly, this time with out the accent.

"Thanks!" Anya replied sarcastically.  "What's with the whole 'Wanna-be Dracula' thing?"

He was wearing a long black cloak with a high collar, and his face seemed stuck in vamp-mode.

"Don't think I don't know what's going on!" Spike accused. "Looks like the demon granted herself a wish!"

"How…how?" Anya muttered, confused.

"Don't know and don't care! All I know is, whoever wished for me to dress like this must have been really pissed off!"

Spike looked down at a body on the floor.

"Not that I'm complaining!" He laughed. "My chip doesn't seem to be working!"

 He wiped some blood off his fangs. "So, how's the wish working out for you?"

Anya grunted disbelievingly "Like you care!"

He stared at her.

"But, since you asked, it's going great! Couldn't be better! In fact, me and Xander just had a whole lot of sex!" She cringed at the thought. "Now I have to leave."

Spike raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"Yes. I have to leave…so…so, Xander and I can have more sex!"

Anya started to go back upstairs, trying to get rid of the images of Xander she had rolling around her head.


	4. Dawn

Please Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anya walked through the kitchen.

Spike was killing again and it was all her fault, she felt strangely guilty and she hated it! 

"Vengeance Demons don't feel guilt!" she scolded herself. "Pull yourself together!"

A loud smash from another room made her jump, "Hello?" she called, only to get another smash as a reply.

Anya started to walk towards the noises, a flash of green zoomed past her face causing her to gasp. 

The green blob paused for a while on a cupboard top, before zigzagging through the room at 100 MPH, causing destruction to anything in its way.

Anya followed it, watching as it broke the entire contents of one of Buffy's shelves, still hurtling around, at top speed.

"Man! That is one energetic blob!" She exclaimed.

Energetic blob?

In her wish, Buffy had mentioned a "blob of energy".

"Oh my god!" Dawn?"

The Dawn-blob took no notice as it catapulted through Anya's legs and straight through a closed door.

Anya opened the door to follow her, Spike stood on the other side.

"What the bloody hell is going on?!" He impatiently questioned, before realising his accent wasn't right. "I mean… VAT  IZ  GOING …Oh I can't be bothered!" 

He looked around at the mess, and then at Anya.

"You do this?"

"Yeah!" She replied sarcastically. "Sure, blame me!"

"Well it was your bloody spell!" 

Dawn shot past suddenly, making a second hole in the door, Spike raised his eyebrow accusingly at Anya.

She glared at him. "Go on then"

"What?" 

"Catch it."

He stared at her.

 "You're the man here, so you catch the Dawn-blob, it's quite simple!" She explained impatiently.

"Fine! Spike'll do all the work! It's bad enough you've made me wear these bloody awful clothes!" 

He put out his arm and caught Dawn so easily and with such speed that Anya just stood there with her mouth wide open.

She stared at the Dawn-blob in surprise, she seemed so happy, bobbing up and down in Spike's arms, completely different from the lively green blur that had been destroying the house.

"You'd better do something about this! I ain't gonna bloody baby sit all day!"

"I will" Anya promised, "Where's Willow and Tara? Maybe they can help."

Spike shrugged, "Check the hills".

She looked at him strangely for a while, and then left.


	5. Finding Willow and Tara

Sorry I take so long to finish a chapter!! My computer is messed up!! Please review!!! 

Anya grumpily trudged through the mud; it was more fun when she could teleport! The hills, which she had never noticed before, seemed to go on forever, the sky getting even darker as she got closer to the top. She didn't even know why she was going up there, Spike couldn't usually be trusted, why did she take his advice to check the hills?

The sky continued to blacken, the dark clouds swirling, almost hypnotic, around her head.  Snakes seemed to dart in and out of the misty air, twisting and coiling their way around the stars, sucking the life out of them.

"This is all Buffy's fault!" She said aloud, cupping her hands around her mouth, to contain any warmth that seemed to be draining out of her. 

"I wonder what sort of a mess she's in?" Anya thought guiltily, "Casting vengeance just isn't fun when things go wrong!"

She kept slowly walking upwards, staring down at the ground, which no longer seemed to be grassy. 

"What the ."?!

She was climbing on rock. 

There was no sign that she had ever been on a hill. 

Anya looked around, the mist parting, occasionally showing glimpses of her surroundings.

She was on a mountain!

Looking behind her, she could see fresh footprints, sitting on crisp white snow, snow which seemed to be all around her, Sunnydale had vanished from sight.

She stared at the route ahead, the mountain appeared to be getting steeper, but it was too late to turn back, she wasn't even sure if there was a "back" to turn to.

Anya from a hundred years ago would never have climbed up a mountain after a wish, she would have just sat back and laughed! It was humans who did this to her and she hated feeling guilty!

Finally she reached the top, and after a moment of scrabbling at the ice, she pulled herself up. 

Through the mist she could make out a cave, lit briefly with a candle, soft chanting floating out.

Anya crept up to the rock and peered around, two people sat on the floor dressed head to toe in black, a cauldron between them. Their hats covered their faces, but Anya could tell it was Willow and Tara.


	6. We know what you did

I'm going to be starting another fic soon called… ***stops to think of name*** … "Raven". 

So I need to know if there's any point continuing this one.  

If I do decide to continue, then coming up will be:

Anya's meeting with Giles, a very different Giles!!

Buffy's first appearance as "Buffy The Vampire Slayer; Everyone's Favourite Super Hero!" 

A few chapters of everyone together,

And then a shock for Anya as she tries to reverse the wish!

Let me know, by REVIEWING!!!!!

The chanting continued softly as Anya watched the two witches, shadows danced around the cave as if telling a story and green mist rose out of the cauldron.

Anya felt the mist fill her lungs, she coughed.

One of the Wicca's head snapped up, a mass of red surrounding her face.

Willow

She cackled loudly as she saw Anya peering, fascinated, around the corner, unaware that she had been spotted. An evil thought flashed through her mind as she muttered a few simple words under her breath.

Anya screamed

"Bunnies!"

Tara joined in with the cackling, as Anya ran about yelling, trying to get away from the dozens of rabbits without being spotted.

"Get. Them. Off. Me!" She demanded, giving up on not being seen. "Keep the little fluffers away!"

Obediently, with a flick of her wrist, Willow vanished the bunnies.

Anya stood there, her heart racing, breathing heavily.  "Don't ever do that again! Do you think I climbed for hours to be attacked by hoppy-legged creatures!?" She crossed her arms impatiently, and waited.

"Well, well, my pretty. What brings you here?" Tara, completely ignoring her, sounded remarkably like a 90-year-old lady who kept cats. Anya grinned as she remembered how vengeful old ladies could be.

"We knew you were coming" Willow informed her, sounding like a much wiser 90 year old lady, but still as if she kept cats

The red headed Wicca gestured towards the cauldron, "We saw it".

"We saw you" Tara corrected, "We see everything from up here!"

Anya followed the gesture, a silver liquid spluttered happily.

"We know what you did", they began to sing in an eerie, almost threatening tune. The silver coloured liquid in the cauldron started to bubble. 

"We know what you did".

Anya gulped, clearly creeped out.

"But you can help me. Right?"

Willow's eyes flashed black.

"Only you can sort this out! Only you can change what you've done!" She hissed the words from her mouth as Tara kept chanting.

"We know what you did"

The silver coloured liquid continued to boil.

Anya's mind began to spin, the chants spiralling around her head, drowning inside the silver.

"We know what you did", echoed around the cave, only it seemed further away.

Anya felt herself falling, round and round and down and down, faster and faster until everything blurred. She could vaguely hear Tara singing in the distance, as she landed heavily on Buffy's kitchen floor. 

Unconscious. 

Short chapter, I know. 

Should I continue?

In case anyone was confused about the old lady + cats thing:

I have this image in my mind of an old lady. She's about 90, she sits in a rocking chair all day long, she has hundreds of cats that she refers to as "babies" and "My pretties", and she cackles.

I have never met anyone like that, but I figured that Willow and Tara would remind me of her if I had.


	7. Giles

Please review!!!!

I've tried to make this chapter a little more Anya-like, coz I know I wasn't doing a very good job. But hey, I'm a kid!! Gimme a break!!! :-) :-) 

Imzadi, I couldn't get a Lindsay appearance in for you, I'm struggling enough with the characters I do have! :-) But I got an "evil hand" reference in!

"Bunnies!!!!"

Anya awoke with a shriek, as the Dawn-blob landed on her face. Instinctively, she reached out with her arm and sent it flying into the shelves. It whimpered faintly, before falling limply onto the floor.

"Bloody hell Anya!" Spike rushed into the kitchen. "Look at the Little-bit", he yelled, sounding strangely protective as he scooped Dawn up.

Realising his actions were a bit off character, he quickly added, "I don't like to see any of the Summers' kids hurt! OK?" 

He sounded so defensive that Anya managed to hold back the sarcastic response she'd created.

Spike and the unconscious Dawn-blob headed down to the basement, as Anya pulled herself to her feet.

At the exact same moment, a man dressed in long, brightly coloured shorts, and open toed sandals, entered the house, humming to himself. His eyes locked on Anya's chest and he let out a satisfied noise of approval.

Anya, following his gaze, looked down and sighed.

"Yes, yes. Anya has nice breasts. Learn to deal with it, Man Who Usually Wears Tweed!"

"You know?" he said thoughtfully. "You would fit in well with the girls who live next door to me!" His eyes glazed over at the thought of the girls, and a dirty grin appeared on his face.

"They have a pool", he said, as if that would explain everything. "And sometimes," he leaned in close to her ear. "They don't wear tops!"

Anya's mouth dropped open.

"Of course", he continued. "They don't know I'm watching!"

Anya groaned.

"A watcher" she said aloud, remembering Buffy's wish.

"That slayer needs to chose her words better!" 

Suddenly, she became very aware of a hand edging closer towards her top half.

"Giles!" She exclaimed, knocking his hand away.

" I'm sorry!" He said, not sounding very apologetic. "You see… I have an evil hand. You know? Like that lawyer from L.A"

Anya rolled her eyes.

"Evil hand, my ass!" She responded, highly disbelievingly and sarcastic, ignoring the smile on Giles's face indicating he'd taken it a different way.

"Bloody hell!"

A cry from the basement made both Giles and Anya lose track of their "conversation".

"You're gonna wanna see this!"

Curiosity overwhelmed the pair, and soon Spike and the Dawn-blob had company.

Giles let out an evil giggle when he saw the vampire, all dressed up.

"What on Earth are you wearing?" he asked, and without waiting for a reply, he turned to Anya. "You'd look good in that!"

"Mmmm", she agreed dreamily, fully understanding his meaning. Maybe, when Xander was back to normal, they could try it out!

"I was looking for 'Passions'"

Spike's voice broke into her fantasy.

"And I found this"

They looked at the small, dust covered T.V, and gasped.


	8. Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Everyone's Fav...

It's half term, which means I'll be updating more often than normal, so PLEASE REVIEW!! I really want to get this finished soon, so I can start my next one, which hopefully will be better than this one was!!  I haven't started it yet, but once I have, check it out! It's called Raven.

Written across the screen in pink letters, was:

Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Everyone's Favourite Superhero!

The Dawn-blob, now fully awake, yelped and leapt onto the T.V, bouncing up and down happily.

Giles's eyes lit up as a female cartoon character appeared on screen. She was wearing a tight pink catsuit with a blue "B" on the front. A blue cape was fastened securely to her neck.

The cartoon slayer began to fly, just as the lyrics, to the tune of "Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer", began to play.

"Buffy the vampire slayer,

Likes to fight demons for fun,

And if she ever saw one,

She would never use a gun!"

Spike laughed, looking rather odd as his face was still frozen in vamp-mode.

"Oh my god!"

 "I KNOW!!" Anya cried disbelievingly, "How much do you think she gets paid for that??!!" 

Giles ignored them both, his eyes glued to the screen, as the curvy female character continued to fly, over what was meant to be a cartoon Sunnydale.

"Every single moon lit night,

She goes out to slay,

All of the evil vampires, who,

Just came out to play, 

Coz…

Buffy the vampire slayer

Likes to …"

The opening credits were interrupted once again by Spike, continuing to laugh at the show. 

"I don't know why you're laughing!" Anya grumpily informed him. "I have to work my ass off at the Magic Box while Little Miss I'm-So-Special gets her own show, Plus…" Anya gestured towards the slayers chest, "Those are so not real!"

Giles looked at her as if she was a 4-year-old child.

"Does it matter?" he asked, daring her to say yes. "Why do you think I'm watching it?!"

Spike grinned. "Oooh!" he said eagerly to the vengeance demon, "What did you do to Watcher Boy here?"

Anya scowled at him.

"He's a watcher" she explained "Just like Buffy's now a superhero!"

Spike, hearing the edge in her voice, kept quiet and turned back to the show.

"I will defeat you, evil demonic creature of the night! For I am Buffy…The vampire slayer!"

On the screen, an obviously exaggerated vampire, looking strangely similar to Spike/Dracula, was growling at the gorgeous female with immaculate hair.

"Slay him already!" Anya yelled, getting caught up in the show.

"We so don't look like that!" Spike objected, ignoring the fact that as a result of Buffy's wish, he did indeed "look like that".

Giles stared at the T.V, never blinking, a small drop of saliva forming on his lip as he begged, "Come on! Jump up and down more!"

Hardly moving, the animated slayer thrust a stake through the vamps heart, causing an unrealistic explosion of dust. 

"YES!" Anya cheered, the vengeance side of her coming through.

Giles groaned; where were the sexy moves, they would never get viewers without them!

Dawn, feeling a sudden urge to be destructive, bounced down off the T.V, and straight through the wall.

"Bloody hell!" came a voice that could only be Spike's. "Little-Bit!"

The trio left the addictive cartoon, and peered through the Dawn-blob shaped hole.

"BLOODY HELL!!"

And this time, they all said it!

TBC. I know it's a cliff-hanger, but I don't care!!! :-)

If you want to know what they saw, then review! And if you have any suggestions for what it could be, feel free to suggest, coz I haven't decided yet. 


	9. Anyanka

My computer has crashed, so it might be a while before I put on the final chapter! :-(

I couldn't think of anything good to put in this chapter, so basically it's just a VERY SHORT update of pointless information. 

Imzadi, Lindsey looking for his hand would be such a cool idea! But not one which would make a lot of sense! :-) 

I know that Buffy's basement doesn't lead onto a road, but in this fic it does.

Check out my newest one called Raven.

The street was packed with cars, children were screaming and horns were being blown loudly.

"Little Bit!"

The Dawn-blob hurtled straight into the traffic.

"Little Bit!"

Spike kept yelling, unable to step into the sunlight, Dawn took no notice.

"Oh my god!" Giles cried.

"I know! Buffy's gonna kill me!" 

Giles shot a puzzled look at Spike.

"I meant" he said "Oh my God, look at all those women! So vulnerable and scared!"

Anya looked through the Dawn-blob shaped hole.

"You're right!"

The sky was dark, and getting darker, where bright sunlight had been, just a few seconds ago. Panicking, frightened families blocked the roads, trying to get away, as a crash of thunder made the house shudder.

Anya looked up at the sky. Circling around, cackling loudly, were Willow and Tara.

She groaned.

"I just wish people could see that, that they could see what we are".

That was the wish, and Anya's guess was that people didn't like what they saw, they didn't like knowing "what we are".

She turned back into the basement, bumping straight into someone/something, she took a step back as it spoke.

"Anyanka!"

TBC: Last chapter coming up, with a shock for Anya. Sorry this one was so short, but I've had to use my brothers computer coz mine crashed.


	10. Consequences

This is the last chapter, finally! So let me know what you thought! And I'm pretty sure I spelt D'hoffren wrong! :-)

Anya took a step back.

"D'hoffren!"

He stared at Spike and Giles for a moment, both looking so different, Spike in his long cape, and Giles in his shockingly bright outfit. D'hoffren sighed.

"Not some of your best work, Anyanka!" he said, as he peered through the wall. Dawn was bouncing through the traffic, Anya cringed as she heard brakes screech.

"Hardly vengeful at all!" he continued.

The Dawn-blob let out an almighty shriek.

"Take it back!" Anya demanded, not even looking at Dawn.

"Excuse me?" he replied politely, "You do realise how hard it is to undo a wish. You know there are consequences."

Anya nodded.

"This has not been impressive Anyanka. I cannot have my vengeance demons granting such careless wishes!"

She looked down, it was not the first time she'd lost her powers. 

D'hoffren lifted her chin.

"You're a big girl now _Anya, _you must face the consequences of your actions,"  he let go of her, "and you should know you're not getting off lightly."

He clapped his hands, and disappeared.

Giles looked down at himself.

"Oh dear Lord!" he cried, as he removed his glasses.

Dawn climbed through the wall looking dazed.

"Will someone tell me why my head hurts?" She asked, rubbing her eyes.

Anya ignored them, and slipped away quietly.

She opened the door to her apartment, still feeling down.

Xander was led on the couch, a half empty beer in his hand, and dozens of empty cans surrounding him. Drool crept out of his mouth as he slept, snoring loudly.

Anya closed her eyes and groaned.

D'hoffren had chosen her  punishment well!


End file.
